Being in a healthy relationship means self-reflecting at some point

With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

My first experience coming into this world was obviously a slightly traumatic one. It was one that shaped my behaviour growing up and continued to affect me in adult relationships. I was born during a time when my parents went through marital problems. My mother was suffering from severe depression and my father was contemplating leaving the relationship to live with another woman. He later decided to remain in the relationship to raise his children.

I didn’t learn this story until I took an inner child workshop as an adult to work on my personal self. I decided to go through the self-reflection process because I was having problems in my own relationship and wanted it to be a healthier one. In the end, my relationship ended when my partner.

It might seem like a tragic ending for me, but from my perspective, it was not. This experience gave me the chance to work on personal development and past trauma. This is where healthiness starts I believe, when we start the self-reflecting and make the choice to be our better selves. I see myself as showing inner strength because I decided to keep raising our children the best I could as a single mother--even without their father--and to keep on with my own personal growth.

I heard it said that as humans we are blessed just with this chance to live on earth. We have small comforts of warm houses, food to eat, and no war in our surroundings.

A lot of us in today’s world—need or seek—healthy relationships with a balanced partner. We need this because it makes our lives so much better going through times when our life stress is at an all-time high. Life challenges come up every so often. Some examples include of course, the birth of a new baby, facing a major illness, death in the family, crisis situations involving our loved ones, trouble in the workplace or school, unemployment, or dealing with loss in an election for leadership. During these difficult times, we want someone who will support us and ease our turmoil, not make our difficulty ten times worst. We also want to make sure we’re able to function in a good way in the relationship so it doesn’t fall apart.

All of us react differently to life challenges – whether it’s stress, fear, worry, anger, sadness, avoidance, blame. These are all natural reactions. It’s what we do afterward to not let these consume us that takes a lot of inner strength. From my perspective, a person with great inner strength is distinguished by the following:

1) Has the ability to self sooth using nondestructive means and not turning to addictions to deal with problems.

2.) Takes care of his or her family and doesn’t leave them to fend for themselves. This person raises his or her sons and daughters the best way he or she can by being fully emotionally and physically present for them.

3) Does not control others and is not controlled easily by others.

4) Cares about people, does not mistreat or accept mistreatment from others, and strives to contribute to a better life for others.

5) Secure in self identity and who he/she is.

Of course, no person can be perfect, we are all only human and from time to time must learn from our experiences, whether positive or negative.

As a trained life coach, educator, (with a handful of training as a counsellor), I have the knowledge, experiences, skills, and tools to help you start this self-reflection process. We can meet and talk or I can be hired within an organization or community to facilitate a workshop or program, whereas I can help others to look at their own personal growth and figure out the best tools and strategies to put into practice. Because this is my work, there will be a fee involved, but the results will surpass the costs. Through my business, either an individual asking for help or an organization hiring me to facilitate a group pays a fee.

I’m here as someone who has lived through some early trauma and adult life challenges as a result of marital instability, feeling not only abandoned, but alone. I think a lot of people can relate to that at some point in their lives. I believe that we’re all here on a life journey and in some regards, we have some ability to determine a good life outcome. Making this decision to self-reflect and work on our ability to be in a healthy relationship is part of that.

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